My Voice

MyVoice

CONCERT IN EMBARCADERO

"OW, my head!", I said, as I rub on the bump on my head, as I was leaving the smoke infested Embarcadero where I was seeing a load of musical venues, "Awesome", I thought at first, but believe me, it was not as enjoyable as I thought.

It all started after I was leaving an over night school field trip when my friend and his mom came to pick me up. "Embarcadero Park. Never heard of it.", I told my friend, Jae. His mom and her new boyfriend were taking us to Embarcadero Park which was soon to be an experience in my life. So as we were driving, he told me that it was a Switchfoot concert. Cool, I thought. I didn't really care for Switchfoot, but I knew it still was going to be enjoyable.

As we arrive, I see a bunch of 91X flyers and a big sign that says: 91X FM LIVE IN EMBACARDERO! I couldn't believe my eyes. It turns out to be a radio station concert with live bands! When we get out of the car, we see all types of people: indie, punk, grunge, etc.! We were hungry so we went to get food from the concession stand. As soon as I get to the food stand, it says SPAM Sandwiches. I HATE SPAM! So we're looking and looking, until we find a pizza and hot dog stand. So I bought 2 slices of cheese pizza.

After we ate, the real fun began as we went to the concert stage. My friend sawg a guy running all over and dancing. After 20 minutes, he asks, "Are you drunk!?". The guy shook his head, "No". He said one of the most stupidest things to a guy who's just enjoying a concert. Meanwhile, the concert was just getting in to action when a mosh pit started to break out right next to us. There were two guys fighting because one of them "accidentally" hit the other guy on the head with a cup. So here's us, a mosh pit, and two guys fighting over a paper cup. The one of the guys threw the cup and it pounds me on the head.

It's 8:00. The concert is old and still no Switchfoot. Then people start to smoke who-ever knows what. I started to get sick so his mom had to take me home and I missed Switchfoot which was what we were there for. That's a bummer!

Flashback Tecnique

"OW, my head!", I said, as I rub on the bump on my head, as I was leaving the smoke infested Embacadero where I was seeing a load of musical venues, "Awesome", I thought at first, but believe me, it was not as fun as I thought.

Thoughtful Word Choice

Words i could change:

fun: enjoyable

hit: pound

Rough Draft #2

"OW, my head!", I said, as I rub on the bump on my head, as I was leaving the smoke infested Embacadero where I was seeing a load of musical venues, "Awesome", I thought at first, but believe me, it was not as fun as I thought.

It all started after I was leaving an over night school field trip when my friend and his mom came to pick me up. "Embacadaro Park. Never heard of it.", I told my friend, Jae. His mom and her new boyfriend were taking us to Embacadaro Park which was soon to be an experience in my life. So as we were driving, he told me that it was a Switchfoot concert. Cool, I thought. I didn't really care for Switchfoot, but I knew it still was going to be fun.

As we arrive, I see a bunch of 91X flyers and a big sign that says: 91X FM LIVE IN EMBACADARO! I couldn't believe my eyes. It turns out to be a radio station concert with live bands! When we get out of the car, we see all types of people: indie, punk, grunge, etc.! We were hungry so we went to get food from the consession stand. As soon as I get to the food stand, it says SPAM Sandwiches. I HATE SPAM! So were looking and looking, until we find a pizza and hot dog stand. So I bought 2 slices of cheese pizza.

After we ate, the real fun began as we went to the concert stage. My friend see's a guy running all over and dancing. After 20 minutes, he askes, "Are you drunk!?". The guy shook his head, "No". He said one of the most stupidest things to a guy who's just enjoying a concert. Meanwhile,the concert was just getting in to action when a mosh pit started to break out right next to us. There were two guys fighting be cause one of them "accidentally" hit the other guy on the head with a cup. So here's us, a mosh pit, and two guys fighting over a paper cup. The one of the guys threw the cup and it hit me on the head.

It's 8:00. The concert is old and still no Switchfoot. Then people start to smoke who-ever knows what. I started to get sick so his mom had to take me home and I missed Switchfoot which was what we were here for. That's a bummer!

Rough Draft # 1

"Embacadaro Park. Never heard of it.", I said as my friend, J., his mom, and her new boyfriend were taking me to Embacadaro Park which was soon to be an experience in my life. So as we were driving, he told me that it was a Switchfoot concert. Cool, I thought. I didn't really care for Switchfoot, but I knew it still was going to be fun.

As we arrive, I see a bunch of 91X flyers and a big sign that says: 91X FM LIVE IN EMBACADARO! I couldn't believe my eyes. It turns out to be a radio station concert with live bands! When we get out of the car, we see all types of people: indie, punk, grunge, etc.! We were hungry so we went to get food from the consession stand. As soon as I get to the food stand, it says SPAM Sandwiches. I HATE SPAM! So were looking and looking, until we find a pizza and hot dog stand. So I bought 2 slices of cheese pizza.


After we ate, the real fun began as we went to the concert stage. My friend see's a guy running all over and dancing. After 20 minutes, he askes, "Are you drunk!?". The guy shook his head, "No".

The concert was just getting in to action when a mosh pit started to break out right next to us. There were two guys fighting be cause one of them "accidentally" hit the other guy on the head with a cup. So here's us, a mosh pit, and two guys fighting over a paper cup. The one of the guys threw the cup and it hit me on the head.

It's 8:00. The concert is old and still no Switchfoot. Then people start to smoke who-ever knows what. I started to get sick so his mom had to take me home and I missed Switchfoot which was what we were here for. That's a bummer!